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Although polygamous marriages are not new to our society, having been customary in many cultures and religions for centuries, it remains a highly contested practice. In recent years, the trend of men taking second wives has risen significantly, especially within communities like LLL, where it has quietly crept into the social fabric. Perhaps this resurgence is linked to the growing divorce rates, leaving many women vulnerable and open to the notion of becoming a second wife rather than remaining single in societies where unmarried women often face stigmatization. In Islam, a man is permitted to take up to four wives, but only under strict conditions whereby he must treat each wife fairly, offering equal social, emotional, financial, and physical care. There is a warning that if a man fears he cannot maintain such equality, then he should marry only one. Had these rules been earnestly followed and respected, much of the pain and misunderstanding surrounding this practice might have been avoided. Ideally, polygamy should provide security and dignity to more women. In reality however, it often ends in unspoken suffering particularly for the first wife who suddenly finds herself displaced. I write this story not in judgment, but as a witness to one such woman’s silent sacrifice—my sister, SSS.
SSS married RRR, who lives in LLL, approximately 32 years ago. Their union, arranged by mutual family acquaintances, blossomed into a real love story. They were blessed with two daughters and a son, all now well settled and married. While RRR focused on expanding his fabric business, SSS devoted herself to managing their home, raising their children, and significantly helping her husband build his business. In addition to domestic duties, she managed administrative tasks for the business from home, all while caring for her in-laws who lived with them. Their marriage, though not without its trials, was strong. They tackled problems with maturity, patience, and mutual respect. SSS never once complained to me nor to our parents about any marital problems. She would often praise her husband and his family, expressing gratitude for the life she had been given. Yet, as often happens in life, even the seemingly perfect stories can take a cruel turn. Three years ago, the introduction of paddle tennis took our country by storm. New courts mushroomed across cities, and RRR, who had once been an avid tennis player in his youth, jumped into the sport with youthful fervour. He started going out nearly every evening to play, returning late at night, his energy renewed. He joined a popular gym and began socializing more than he had in decades. Weekends were now reserved for padel tournaments and getaways with friends. SSS welcomed her husband’s new hobby, seeing it as a healthy outlet for his stress. She supported him with pride, even encouraging him to eat better and look after himself in his quest to build his fitness levels. When he began dressing younger, she lovingly took it as his effort to stay attractive for her. She had no reason to doubt him. Unknown to her, this new chapter of RRR’s life brought with it someone else – YYY, a 42 year old divorcee from Johannesburg almost 15 years his junior whom he met at the KKK country club at a padel tournament. An athletic, attractive woman with a polished exterior and an eye for upward mobility, she had caught RRR’s attention immediately. Over the next few months their courtship grew more intense. RRR was smitten and YYY knew she had hit the jackpot by catching this wealthy man’s full attention. As SSS would later learn from YYY herself, it was RRR who had chased her, not the other way around. For almost a year RRR met YYY secretly, crafting excuses to be out longer than usual, while SSS continued her life unaware.
When whispers of the affair began circulating in their community, RRR acted quickly. Rather than face scandal, he proposed marriage to YYY, who accepted immediately. A month later, he broke the news to his wife and children. It was not a request but a declaration. The shock rippled through the family. SSS’s world which was built on decades of devotion, began to tremble. Their children were devastated. Even RRR’s elderly parents, whom SSS had cared for selflessly, voiced their disapproval. But RRR remained unmoved, shielding himself with the religious card that it was his right, and he had done no wrong. Though shattered, SSS did not fall apart. She considered leaving him but her children who were deeply attached to their mother and father alike, pleaded with her to stay. Her mother-in-law, too frail to imagine life without SSS’s care, begged her not to go. In the end out of a deeply rooted sense of duty she stayed in her marriage. SSS chose to believe that accepting this marriage would bring some divine peace and
blessings to her life. Instead of appreciating her strength, RRR immersed himself even further into his new life, lavishing YYY with attention. SSS who was very reserved and dignified by nature, found herself the silent shadow to this new public romance. YYY, in stark contrast to SSS, was loud and unfiltered on social media. Instagram became her stage. Lavish dinners, romantic getaways, designer gifts, and even inside jokes with RRR were all broadcast for the world to see. YYY had found a golden ticket and she was flaunting it without restraint. What made it worse was RRR’s indifference. When his eldest daughter pleaded with him to rein in his new wife’s online posts which were deeply hurtful to the family especially SSS, he dismissed her with a flimsy excuse saying that YYY needed social media to promote her business. However, half the time her posts had nothing to do with commerce and everything to do with vanity. SSS never allowed her children to confront their father or his new wife. She assured her kids that she was fine but she confided her grief to me. Every time another woman commented on her husband’s newfound lifestyle and his outings, his holidays, the expensive gifts he showered on his new wife, SSS felt another piece of herself break. Her humiliation was public but she bore it with quiet dignity. After the second marriage, RRR bought YYY a luxurious townhouse in an upscale, gated community in the exclusive SSS suburb in Johannesburg. YYY now hosted lavish dinners for her new social circle, often inviting people who had once known SSS but who were now eager to acquaint themselves with the newer, flashier wife. A few months after RRR’s second marriage, his father passed away. The family was devastated. SSS as always, took full responsibility by organising all the meals for the visitors at the funeral home, ensuring that her mother-in-law had constant company during her four month mourning period (Iddat) and personally attending to every guest who came to pay their respects. RRR stayed home briefly but soon began complaining of depression. Claiming that the atmosphere in the house was “too heavy,” he moved in with YYY for a while, leaving SSS to handle everything by herself.
SSS later suggested moving to a newer, safer home in a security estate where she and her mother-in-law would feel more secure, especially since RRR was seldom home but RRR refused saying that it would cause unnecessary expenses and that the old house carried memories of his childhood. Ironically, the same childhood memories didn’t stop him from abandoning the home for long stretches in favor of his new life. He continued to divide his days between both wives, but even on SSS’s days, RRR was mentally elsewhere. He spent hours on business calls, texting YYY, or was simply just distracted. Judging from YYY’s social media posts, RRR and his new wife seemed to be eating out almost every night that he spent at her place. However, he always insisted on eating home cooked meals when he was with SSS. Not once did he offer to take her out for dinner or even bring home a meal for her. His justification was always the same that his mother was old, and SSS needed to stay home to take care of her. Any out of town business trip RRR took, he was accompanied by YYY, who turned these trips into extravagant escapades which were well documented on social media. Meanwhile, SSS took on more business responsibilities. With her son now handling the operations, she stepped in frequently to help him. RRR was too busy playing the doting husband to YYY, buying her designer clothes, expensive perfumes and even flying her out for a weekend at a coastal resort with her friends instead of worrying about his business.
What made the situation even more distressing was the financial entanglement that began to emerge. RRR, for all his supposed business sense, had gradually stepped back from his current business under the guise of focusing on ‘new opportunities.’ What wasn’t immediately apparent was that these new ventures were not benefiting the family as a whole but rather being channeled directly toward his second wife’s fledgling business. YYY, who had dabbled in a few online sales and influencer partnerships, suddenly found herself with access to a steady stream of funding from her new husband. Without any formal business plan YYY expanded her business, using the profits of the fabric empire that SSS had helped build from the ground up. This appropriation of family wealth which was earned through years of SSS’s sweat, sacrifice, and silent labour now went towards pampering and promoting the second wife’s lifestyle which was not only unethical, but deeply unjust. RRR made it seem as though he was investing in a legitimate business venture but in reality, he was enabling a life of extravagance under the false cover of entrepreneurship. YYY’s ‘ business’ rarely broke even and instead operated more as a showcasing for social events, where YYY hosted her new circle of elite friends, some of whom were the same women who now gossiped cruelly about SSS. The funds were flowing, but the return was social status and not commercial success. What added to the injustice was how RRR disguised this funding as a good business investment. SSS noticed the subtle tightening of budgets at home and in their family business. Costs that were once absorbed quietly, like staff bonuses or the regular maintenance on the family home were now suddenly being delayed or questioned by RRR. Strangely there were no such restrictions when it came to YYY’s lavish lifestyle. This past Ramadaan Eid marked the first without SSS’s father-in-law. As was customary, relatives visited throughout the day to pay respects. SSS once again carried the burden alone. She prepared meals, greeted guests, and ensured every tradition was respected. YYY was nowhere to be seen. Despite the religious obligation of fairness, RRR made no effort to ensure his second wife helped with these duties. She was exempt from every hardship, every obligation, and instead remained free to enjoy the perks of her new life. This growing inequality between the two wives was clearly evident. While SSS continued to manage the family home, care for her mother-in-law, and support the business, she watched as her husband poured money, time, and affection into a woman who contributed little more than aesthetic appeal and created a public spectacle. Where was the principle of fairness in all this and how could a man profess to follow the teachings of his faith while turning a blind eye to the financial and emotional injustice he was
orchestrating? If fairness is the cornerstone of polygamy in Islam, then RRR had not just stumbled, but had entirely abandoned its path. For SSS, the betrayal was not just emotional, but spiritual as well. She had believed that accepting polygamy with patience and faith would bring her blessings, but instead she was met with disregard. She had done everything right. She had supported her husband, raised his children, cared for his parents, built his business and still she was pushed aside. The pain was not in sharing her husband, but in being forgotten.
In the end, what remains is a story of a woman’s silent endurance and the slow erosion of the fairness that polygamy was meant to uphold. SSS continues to fulfil her responsibilities with quiet dignity, but the
emotional scars left by her husband’s betrayal are deep. Her situation is not just about one man’s failure to maintain justice between two wives, but it is about the quiet collapse of the values that were meant to protect the very women polygamy claims to provide for. Polygamy, when practiced without justice, becomes a wound disguised as a right. If polygamy is to exist within society, especially under the protection of religious allowance, it must be implemented with strict moral integrity. Fairness is not just about dividing nights or buying gifts of equal value, but must be rooted in emotional support, equal respect, and a sincere understanding of each wife’s contribution. Financial resources should never be redirected from one wife to benefit another, especially if those resources were earned with her labour and sacrifice. There should be greater education within communities about the spiritual and emotional responsibilities that accompany polygamous marriages. Religious leaders and elders must speak more openly and critically about the misuse of religious permissions for personal gratification. Women, too, must be encouraged to safeguard their financial rights through legal agreements and shared ownership when contributing to family businesses or property. It is a call to our society to reevaluate how we measure fairness, how we protect the rights of women and how we ensure that no wife whether first, second, or otherwise, is left in the shadows of another’s spotlight.
Concerned Sister