Born and raised in LLL, I grew up reading the monthly LS Punchaat column with great interest. I always looked forward to each monthly edition, hoping to understand more about human nature and the lessons people learned from life’s challenges. But no matter how much we read or learn, nothing really prepares you for what life throws at you. Over the years I noticed that the column started to focus mostly on women being victims of abusive
marriages, of greedy in-laws, being unhappy wives, or having to deal with unfair inheritance practices. Hardly ever did I see anything written about men being mistreated by their wives or ex wives. I never imagined that one day I would become one of those men living through that kind of pain.
I am a 32 year old man who was married to NNN, being two years younger than me, a woman who now lives in one of the wealthier security estates near LLL. We got married six years ago. While I come from modest means, her family is extremely wealthy. Her father has strong government connections and built his fortune through government tenders. Whether all his business dealings were clean was never my concern. My real problem started with my marriage to NNN and the treatment I received from her and her family after our divorce. I met NNN at university and we dated for two years before getting married. I knew I could not give her the luxurious lifestyle she was used to, but I believed that once I completed my BCom degree and started my career at a good firm, I would eventually provide her with a comfortable life. She told me that she loved me deeply and reminded me that her own parents had started from nothing and worked their way up. My parents were cautious and they warned me that girls who lived like princesses often turned out to be spoilt and difficult, but I refused to believe that about NNN. I was convinced that she was different and that her nature was humble, kind and genuine. Her family welcomed me warmly and they never said anything or raised concerns about my lower financial standing. In fact her father went as far as offering me a position in one of his companies, saying there was no need for me to work for others when I could join his family business. I thanked him for the offer but politely refused as I wanted to build my own name and career. To her credit, NNN didn’t complain when after marriage we moved into a smaller townhouse in a nearby estate to her parents, that I could afford and she had to give up the numerous luxuries she was accustomed to in her parent’s home. For a while things seemed fine. The problems however started when she got bored of married life. Like many people who grow up with everything handed to them, she lost interest quickly when things became ordinary. Once our son was born about a year and a half into our marriage, NNN began to change. She started spending more time at her parent’s home and often insisted we sleep over on weekends. I didn’t mind at first as I understood that being a new mother could be overwhelming and I appreciated her mother’s help with the baby. But soon she became too comfortable leaving our son alone there. When our child turned one and NNN stopped breastfeeding, she began going out more to the gym, to lunches and to coffee dates with her female friends while my mother-in-law looked after our son. I didn’t complain knowing that my son was well looked after and knowing that NNN was always a very sociable person I didn’t want to restrict her. This changed when after a few months, I heard that she had gone out to lunch alone with a male friend, ZZZ, whom we both knew from university. ZZZ was single, and while I knew they had been friends before NNN and I started dating, I did not think it was appropriate for her to meet him privately after marriage. She never mentioned it to me and I found out from a family member who had seen them together. Although NNN claimed that their friendship was innocent, I found it disrespectful that she maintained their relationship in secret.
From that day onwards our arguments became more frequent. Every time I raised my concerns, she accused me of being controlling and narrow minded. The tension in our home carried on for the next few months. Eventually I managed to go through her phone, something I had never done before. What I found confirmed my fears since the messages between her and ZZZ were clearly flirtatious. It wasn’t physical proof of an affair but it was enough to destroy trust. This discovery led to a huge argument and harsh words were exchanged. The next day when I came home from work hoping to talk things through, I found that she had packed her bags, taken our son and left for her parent’s house. She had blocked my calls and her parents said she needed time to think. I felt helpless but held onto hope that things would calm down. A week later, her father called me over for what I thought would be a discussion to resolve matters. Instead, I was told bluntly that NNN wanted a divorce and that it was best for everyone if I agreed. Shocked and angry, I lost my temper and pronounced the first divorce right there as per our religious custom. The moment I held my son after that, I regretted my decision deeply. I went home and told my parents everything. My father, upset by what he heard, called my father-in-law and asked to meet. When he came back from the meeting he looked disappointedly at me and informed me that according to NNN’s family, I had been abusive towards her, even physically, after accusing her of having an affair. I was shocked because these were blatant lies.
Yes, we had argued but I never once lifted my hand on her in our four years of marriage. Still, even after extended family members tried intervening to resolve the problems between us, NNN was determined to end the marriage. I was allowed to see my son at her parent’s home for the next three months while the Islamic divorce was following its course, but every time I asked to take him out, NNN and her family made excuses. They treated me like I was
incapable of looking after my own child. Eventually on the advice of my cousin who is a lawyer, I applied for joint custody. When NNN heard this she lost her temper and began threatening me through messages, saying that I would regret trying to take legal action. I ignored her threats and trusted the process that by law both parents have equal parental responsibilities and rights after divorce, unless the court finds one parent unfit. The Children’s Act states that decisions must always be made in the best interests of the child and I believed that this would protect me. The court eventually granted joint custody but since I worked long hours during the week and my son was still very attached to his mother, I agreed to take him only on weekends. It wasn’t ideal but it was something.
For six months, things were stable and then suddenly out of nowhere my lawyer called to tell me that NNN had filed an urgent application to revoke my custody. She accused me of sexually abusing my son. I cannot describe the horror of hearing those words. It was one of the lowest moments of my life. My entire world came crashing down. To be accused of something so disgusting and on top of it by the mother of my child was unbearable. Because these were criminal allegations, even though they were false, the law required that I be kept away from my son until investigations were complete. Social workers, child psychologists and the Family Advocate got involved. My son, barely three and a half years old, had to undergo interviews and therapy sessions. I was heartbroken that he had to go through that because of his mother’s lies. The investigations dragged on for months. Nothing was ever proven because, of course, there was no truth to it. But since my son was so young, the court ruled that I could only see him under supervision at a child psychologist’s office until further notice. Overnight, I went from being a loving father to a man treated like a criminal. I did my best to stay calm and follow the law. My lawyer warned me not to communicate directly with NNN, because she might try to provoke me. I took that advice seriously as I knew that even a small mistake , a raised voice or a harsh word could be twisted against me in court. As the months passed, my visits became shorter and my son started acting differently. He seemed afraid, distant and uncomfortable around me. I could see that NNN was poisoning his mind. She would whisper things to him and I had no chance to undo that damage. She filled his mind with fear telling him that I was dangerous and that I was the reason for all their problems. Meanwhile, NNN and ZZZ started appearing together in public. At one event, they were seen together with my son, behaving like a family. It made my blood boil but I kept quiet as my lawyer reminded me that losing my temper would only help her case.
NNN’s family continued spreading lies about me. They told everyone that I had abused her and that I was violent and unstable. Soon people began believing them and my family even suffered. My sister’s engagement was called off after her fiancé’s family heard these malicious rumours and my parents faced humiliation in the community. I felt like I had lost everything — my marriage, my child and my reputation. Over the next year, my lawyer tried twice to have the court review my case. Each time, NNN came up with new allegations such as claiming that I was mentally unstable and that our son had nightmares just by meeting me, even under supervision. I knew it was her manipulation, but proving it was nearly impossible. The Family Advocate’s office focused on what they saw as ‘the best interest of the child,’ which often meant keeping him with his mother. I wanted to believe that truth would eventually win. I continued attending supervised visits, paying maintenance without fail and staying out of conflict. I hoped that one day, when my son was old enough, he would understand what really happened. It’s been two years since the divorce and my son is now old enough to go to preschool. Our relationship is distant but I still make every effort to be present in his life. I attend school meetings when I’m allowed, I send him birthday gifts and I never miss a single payment or court date. Sometimes, I think about how easily false accusations can destroy a man’s life. The law is meant to protect children and that is right, but there are cases like mine where the system is abused. The process is slow, expensive, and emotionally draining. Every step of the way, I had to prove that I was a good father, while my ex wife simply had to throw accusations to delay matters further. Many people advised me to fight back publicly or expose her relationship with ZZZ but I refused. I didn’t want to drag my son through more drama. The court process is still ongoing. My lawyer has advised me that when my son turns seven, the court may reconsider custody since children at that age can express their own wishes. I pray for that day but for now, I find peace in small things such as in my work, my prayers and in the knowledge that I did everything by the book.
My parents stood by me through it all, even when the community turned their backs. That kind of loyalty can never be repaid. When I think back to the young man I was who believed that love could conquer differences in status, wealth, or upbringing, I feel a mixture of sadness and wisdom. I was naïve by thinking that honesty and hard work would be enough to hold a marriage together when in reality the truth is, sometimes love isn’t enough when one person never intended to build a life grounded in respect and loyalty. Through all this, I learned how the legal system, while built on fairness, often bends under the influence of power and money. Lawyers who represent the wealthy drag cases on endlessly, knowing most ordinary people cannot afford to keep fighting. What remained hardest was the way my community viewed me. In a society where women are often seen only as victims and
men as aggressors, my side of the story was dismissed before it was even told. People assumed guilt because it fit the usual pattern. But real life is rarely that simple.
Not all men are abusers and not all women are victims. Sometimes, the roles are reversed, but few are willing to admit it. There are many fathers like me who suffer quietly, labelled as monsters by those who never cared to know the facts, but are quick to judge. Society rarely recognises the silent endurance of men who continue to show up, pay support, and remain emotionally available despite being pushed away. My name has been tarnished, but I hold onto my truth. The law may take time, but I believe that one day, my son will see me for who I truly am — a father who never gave up on his son, no matter how much was taken from him. I firmly believe that ‘The truth will eventually set you free, but first it will make you miserable’.
Depressed Father