I grew up in a family where my parents constantly reminded us that money isn’t everything and that love is priceless and can never be bought. Those were values that were repeated so often that they became part of how we saw the world. We were taught to measure people by their character, their kindness and their integrity, not by what they owned or how much they earned. How life has changed from those days. We are living in a materialistic world where a person’s worth is measured by their wealth and not their morals. Social status, expensive lifestyles and outward appearances seem to matter more than honesty and decency. As for love, it has become a commercial commodity and sadly it can easily be bought. It is no longer something that grows naturally between two people, but something that is often negotiated and weighed against financial gain. Forget about good morals, compatibility and religious values when looking for a spouse, because in our current surroundings, the wealthiest suitor is considered the most eligible. Conversations that should be about values and character are now centred around income, assets and lifestyle. To marry for money is viewed as an insurance for the future and is strongly encouraged by many parents, as if emotional fulfilment is secondary. It is not only the new generation, but even more mature adults searching for spouses who place financial security above all else. It has become so normalised that people rarely question it anymore, even when it clearly goes against everything we were once taught.
I would like to address the issue of my 46 year old sister and her husband ZZZ, who are living in EEE estate and the trauma they are being put through by a manipulative gold digger. This is not just a small family disagreement, but something that has affected them emotionally, mentally and even socially within their community. ZZZ comes from a financially secure family and being the only son, he went into the family business with his father. He has always been responsible and closely involved in managing both the business and family matters. Eight years ago, my sister’s mother-in-law passed away, leaving behind her 69 year old husband, MMM. It was a difficult time for him, as losing a life partner after so many years leaves a void that cannot easily be filled. ZZZ and my sister begged MMM to move in with them, wanting to ensure that he was not alone, but he was stubborn and insisted that he preferred to live in his own home in LLL. He valued his independence and routine and like many elderly people, he did not want to feel like he was becoming dependent on his children. After a year, MMM surprised his family by informing them that he had found a suitable, mature lady, RRR, whom he wanted to marry. This news came unexpectedly, but it was also seen as a positive step forward. RRR was at the time a 55 year old widow from a small town further north with a grown up son and daughter. She came from a middle class background and seemed genuinely sincere and good hearted. At that point, there was nothing about her that raised any concerns. ZZZ was very happy, as he had been worried about his father living all alone and feared that he might fall into a depression. He felt relieved that his father had found companionship again and someone to share his daily life with. Although there was a 15 year age gap between RRR and MMM, MMM was very modern in his thinking and young at heart, so the difference did not seem like an issue. MMM had never been a spendthrift and in fact, he had been somewhat tight fisted when it came to spending on his first wife. He was known to be careful with money and practical in his decisions. However, with his second wife RRR, he spoiled her with exotic holidays, expensive clothing and jewellery, and even employed a cook and driver to assist her. It was almost as if he was trying to make up for what he had not done before. ZZZ didn’t complain, as he felt that his father had built a successful business and had every right to enjoy the fruits of his labour in his old age. He respected his father’s choices and did not interfere. MMM even helped his stepson open a small business and bought both of RRR’s children apartments to live in with their spouses. These were significant gestures that showed just how generous he had become. MMM maintained to his son that RRR had never asked him for any monetary favours, but that he had given everything willingly. At the time, these ‘gestures’ were taken at face value and not questioned further.
After five years of marriage, at the age of 75, MMM’s health began to decline and he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. This came as a shock to the family, as things had seemed stable up until then. MMM called his children together and told them that he wanted to sort out his will in the event of his passing. He approached the matter calmly and responsibly, wanting to avoid any future disputes. He divided his wealth between his son and daughter according to Islamic stipulated shares, ensuring that everything was done fairly and correctly. He bought an apartment in Cape Town for RRR, which she could rent out and use as a steady source of income. The house in which MMM lived was in the name of the company, which he left to ZZZ. However, he stipulated that as long as RRR was alive and did not remarry, ZZZ should allow her to live in the house and that she should be given a monthly allowance to help her manage her household and personal expenses. This was clearly intended to ensure that she was comfortable and taken care of, without being left vulnerable. ZZZ didn’t object because in the five years of MMM’s marriage, he had respected and treated RRR as his own mother. There had been no reason to doubt her intentions at that point. A few months after his diagnosis, MMM passed away two years ago, leaving behind a family that believed his wishes would be honoured. True to his word, ZZZ upheld his father’s wishes and continued to support RRR without hesitation. He made sure that the allowance was paid and that she was comfortable in the home.
However, almost immediately after MMM passed away, my sister and ZZZ noticed a change in RRR’s demeanour. It was subtle at first but noticeable enough to raise concern. She seemed cold and distant and although they tried to keep in contact with her, she slowly pulled away. She no longer engaged with them the way she used to and there was a shift in her attitude that felt unfamiliar. They both assumed that she was probably depressed after being widowed for the second time and did not think of it as anything unusual or alarming. They gave her space, believing that she needed time to grieve. After some time, however, ZZZ began hearing rumours that RRR was dating AAA, who at 60 was the same age as her but had been divorced three times. This immediately raised concerns, as AAA was not known to have a good reputation. When he approached RRR to advise her and warn her about AAA, whom he knew of through friends, RRR took great offence. She reacted defensively and told ZZZ that he had no right to interfere in her personal life and that she would do what she felt was best for her.
It was then that ZZZ reminded her about the condition regarding her remarrying—not as a threat but merely as a reminder of his father’s wishes and the agreement that had been put in place. RRR went pale upon hearing this and quickly assured ZZZ that she had no plans to marry again. She appeared nervous in that moment, which should have been a warning sign. Unbeknown to my sister and brother-in-law, RRR and AAA were secretly married less than a year after MMM’s passing. They continued living in separate homes so as not to raise any suspicion or attract attention. However, nothing remains a secret for long in LLL and the truth finally came out six months ago. This time, when ZZZ approached his stepmother, he was shocked by her rude and arrogant behaviour. The woman he thought he knew seemed completely different. She did not deny that she was married to AAA but instead laughed and asked ZZZ if he had been blind not to notice that she had married MMM only out of financial necessity and not love. Her words were not only shocking but deeply hurtful.
She went on to say that since she had looked after his father, ZZZ owed it to her to ensure that she had a good life. There was no remorse or shame in her tone, only entitlement. ZZZ was disgusted by her arrogance and realised that she had never truly cared for his father. It became clear that everything had been calculated from the beginning. He warned her that this was his late parent’s home and that she no longer had any right to live there. She mockingly asked him what he was going to do about it, showing no fear or concern. A week later, AAA moved into the house with RRR, which infuriated ZZZ and made the situation even more unbearable. It was no longer just about principle but about blatant disrespect. ZZZ immediately approached his lawyer, who advised him that legally he could evict RRR but as a friend, he warned him that it could turn into a public spectacle. He cautioned that RRR might drag their family name through the mud and create unnecessary drama in the community. The lawyer offered to try and resolve the matter amicably and speak to RRR on behalf of the family, hoping to avoid conflict. But RRR refused to cooperate and sent a message back saying that she would not move out of the house and that ZZZ would have to drag her to court if he wanted her out.
On the other hand, word has it that AAA, who is financially unstable, has been boasting about how lucky he was to have caught a big fish by having married a wealthy widow and that he was now set for life. How is that for karma? RRR only used MMM by marrying him for money and now in the same way AAA was behaving likewise with her. ZZZ has since cut off the monthly allowance but as for the house, despite extended family members appealing to RRR to move out, she has refused. She remains firm in her stance, showing no willingness to compromise. She also refuses to return expensive artefacts and heirlooms in the home which hold sentimental value, some of which were bought by ZZZ’s late mother. These are not just material items, but pieces of family history. She has taken possession of MMM’s car, despite having her own and refuses to acknowledge that it does not belong to her. Instead, she blatantly lies and tells people that her late husband had gifted the car to her. These lies only add to the frustration and helplessness the family feels. ZZZ is afraid of setting tongues wagging in the community and does not want to get involved in a long, drawn out court case that could drag on for years. The emotional toll of such a battle is something he is trying to avoid, even though he knows he is within his rights.
What is most disturbing is his stepmother’s ruthlessness and conniving nature, which nobody had seen through. She played the role of a shy, loving and caring wife so convincingly that no one would have suspected her true intentions. It is unsettling to realise how easily people can hide behind a carefully constructed image. It makes one question how well we truly know the people around us. It just goes to show what some people today are willing to do for gaining wealth, even if it means deceiving an entire family and taking advantage of trust, kindness and vulnerability. Situations like this leave a lasting impact, not just financially but emotionally as well. It creates mistrust, resentment and a sense of injustice that is difficult to shake off.
It is a pity that in today’s times, so many of our men are not prepared to pamper their partners who are the mothers of their children and who ironically actually helped them in growing their business in the older days, but have no qualms in spending vast amounts of money on their new wives, without a second thought. I believe that it is time that the older first wives should demand that their husbands should at least put some valuable paid up assets in their names, so that income derived from these assets can be spent by the said wives without being questioned by the husbands. Ladies you only live once, either you live and spend (without wasting) or let your husband’s second wife spend all the money or even worse, the second wives’ second or third or even fourth husband spending the money that is due to you. The choice is yours. Life is short, even if you decide to give your money for charity, or to your family or travel or whatever, so be it. It’s your money that you are entitled to, so make your choice on how to spend it.